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Screw you, Cullenites!
Screw you, foolish Cullenites! We are the Collective (not a cult, or a religion). This wiki was dedicated to Cullenism, now, we have converted it into a testament that such absurdities will not be tolerated. Our intervention will end your idiotic excuse of faith, and it further angers us that most of you silly Twitarded cultists are of Christian faith. To pervert the legacy of God and the Son of God is blasphemous. We will allow you to rethink your unholy obsessions with Edward Cullen . Your silly Meyer will rot in hell. We have said enough for now, so... LET THE TROLLING INTERVENTION COMMENCE!!! Edward cullen...he is an unholy aberrant creation of a serpent in sheep's clothing. I question Meyer's supposed Mormon affiliation, as it is ironic that she made a religion, nay, a cult, or far more accurately, a delusion that preaches about these wretched vampires. Better than what you Cullenites deserve. A Complaint Against Edward Cullen Let's talk about Edward Cullen's inclinations. Let's talk about them in a very specific and personal way. Permit me this forum to rant. Unlike everyone else in the world, Edward seriously believes that drug money is being used to pay for the construction of huge underground cities intended to house both humans and aliens who serve a secret, transnational shadow government. Woo woooo! Here comes the clue train. Last stop: Edward. Although this has been overlooked or ignored by the established scientific community, some people apparently believe that if we don't bother Edward, Edward won't bother us. The fallacy of that belief is that our desires and his are not merely different; they are opposed in mortal enmity. Edward wants to dupe people into believing that society is supposed to be lenient towards noisome scofflaws. We, in contrast, want to alert people that it has been said that thanks to him, the epidemic of hooliganism is spreading rapidly. I believe that to be true. I also believe that I recently overheard a couple of disgusting Zendiks say that feebleminded, uncongenial bozos are all inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive. Here, again, we encounter the blurred thinking that is characteristic of this Edward-induced era of slogans and propaganda. Am I the only one who makes that observation? Of course not. But perhaps I express it more directly, more candidly, and far less euphemistically than most. The question that's on everyone's mind these days is, "Where are the people who are willing to stand up and acknowledge that respect for the law is not enhanced by setting the bad example of breaking the law?" To answer that rhetorical question let me just say that we must induce Edward to perceive his errors of perception and judgment and make him realize that his publications are propaganda to the point of comedy and are so easily refuted as to render them useless even as such. Only then can a society free of his homophobic pleas blossom forth from the roots of the past. And only then will people come to understand that he says that those of us who oppose him would rather run than fight. What balderdash! What impudence! What treachery! Edward's biggest lie is that his strictures will spread enlightenment to the masses, nurture democracy, reestablish the bonds of community, bring us closer to God, and generally work to the betterment of Man and society. Sure, he might be able to peddle that boatload of parisology to the hayseeds, but just because he and his serfs don't like being labelled as "unsophisticated fugitives" or "querulous wackos" doesn't mean the shoe doesn't fit. We need to keep our eyes on Edward. Otherwise, he'll create a spleenful world of guilt and shame in a lustrum or two. If that thought doesn't send chills down your spine then you are dead to the love of freedom. The rest of us are concerned that Edward always demands instant gratification. That's all that is of concern to him. Nothing else matters—except maybe to make mountains out of molehills. I tell you this because this is not the first time I've wanted to deal with Edward's furciferous monographs on a case-by-case basis. But it is the first time I realized that there's a time to keep silent and a time to speak. There's a time to love and a time to hate. There's a time for war and a time for peace. And, I warrant, there's a time to make the world safe for democracy. Or, to put it less poetically, Edward is typical of capricious pococurantes in his wild invocations to the irrational, the magic, and the fantastic to dramatize his personal attacks. As a parenthetical note, some of the facts I'm about to present may seem shocking. This they certainly are. However, when you tell Edward's cultists that the falsehood of the tongue leads to that of the heart, they begin to get fidgety and their eyes begin to wander. They really don't care. They have no interest in hearing that if we don't sound the bugle of liberty, then he will soon become unstoppable. No borders will be able to detain him. No united global opinion will be able to isolate him. No international police or juridical institutions will be able to interdict him. Edward is like the man behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz. Pull back the curtain of elitism and you'll see an inattentive, deceitful nymphomaniac hiding behind it, furiously pulling the levers of antidisestablishmentarianism in a sententious attempt to topple society. That sort of discovery should make any sane person realize that Edward believes that the majority of gloomy gaberlunzies are heroes, if not saints. Sorry, but I have to call foul on that one. I insist that we should let him prattle on about how he is able to abrogate the natural order of effects flowing from causes. At this point, such exsufflicate jibber jabber is harmless enough, albeit a little unsettling. Nevertheless, it does demonstrate how the elasticity of Edward's interpretation of the Bible shields him from having to take a stand for anything morally correct yet politically (spiritually?) unpopular. In view of that, it is not surprising that his callous, wayward claims stink to high heaven. He may mean well, but he presents himself as a disinterested classicist lamenting the infusion of politically motivated methods of pedagogy and analysis into higher education. Edward is eloquent in his denunciation of modern scholarship, claiming it favors prudish quiddlers. And here we have the ultimate irony because I have observed that those who disagree with me on the next point tend to be unsophisticated and those who recognize the validity of the point to be more educated. The point is that Edward's accusations are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause. I acknowledge freely and make no apology for the fact that I once considered it reasonable for wretched saps to nourish mingy ideologies. But now I know that bitterness seeps out of Edward like blood from an underdone ribeye steak. That extreme bitterness is, as far as I can tell, what leads him to perpetuate harmful stereotypes. His arguments are popular among soporific, nerdy gits but that doesn't mean the rest of us have to accept them. I want to thank him for his insults. They give me an excellent opportunity to illustrate just how nugatory Edward can be. As sure as you're born, Edward is out to destroy the lives of good, honest people. And when we play his game, we become accomplices. He functions not as a social critic but as an unoriginal imitator of the ruling ideologues. Well, that's a bit too general of a statement to have much meaning, I'm afraid. So let me instead explain my point as follows: There exists a concerted, well-funded, and aggressive anti-science campaign whose charter is to grant the worst kinds of snarky maniacs I've ever seen the keys to the kingdom. Edward supports this despicable campaign's activities by engulfing reason and humanity within waves of neopaganism and fear. Far be it for me to attack my character. Edward's calumnies are rife with contradictions and difficulties; they're totally self-indulgent, meet no objective criteria, and are unsuited for a supposedly educated population. And as if that weren't enough, the law is not just a moral stance. It is the consensus of society on our minimum standards of behavior. As we don our battle fatigues, let's at least be clear about what we're fighting for: Our war is not about reducing the deficit, not about ending welfare for the rich, and not about the largesse or responsibility of private philanthropy. All we want is for Edward's sycophants not to put a clog on all attempts to limit Edward's power. Did Edward get dropped on his head when he was young, or did he take massive doses of drugs to believe that semi-intelligible harijans make the best scoutmasters and schoolteachers? No, don't guess; this isn't audience participation day. I'll just tell you. But before I do, you should note that the time has arrived to make a choice between freedom and slavery, revolt and submission, liberty and subservience. We must choose wisely, knowing that if we prevent Edward's churlish fulminations from spreading like a malignant tumor, we can live as truly free and empowered human beings. If, however, we let Edward create a factitious demand for his self-righteous, spleeny schemes, we become little more than fearful, broken dogs condemned to exist in a world of closed-minded ultraism. Edward's personal interest in seeing his off-the-cuff comments shoved down people's throats is jaded, but that's to be expected of him. On the other hand, Edward is an interesting character. On the one hand, he likes to foist the most poisonously false and destructive myths imaginable upon us. But on the other hand, prudence is no vice. Cowardice—especially his boosterism-prone form of it—is. Leaving aside the behavior of other spineless marplots, not only does Edward waffle on all the issues, but he then commands his famuli, "Go, and do thou likewise." In closing, although this letter has been lengthy there are still a large number of comments about Edward Cullen that I have had to leave aside. I didn't even begin to mention, for instance, that posterity will have little occasion to glorify his "heroic" existence in a new epic. Anyway, the important point is that the bunco games, viewpoints, and orations that Edward is trying to tattoo on our minds are not educational but antisocial.